Thursday 18 February 2021

Originally broadcast on CHED radio - Date unknown

At the risk of sounding ridiculous, I would like to say that man, living as he does in a constant state of controversy and strife with others who inhabit this terrestrial sphere, can learn a lot from the seagull. The goal is a marvelous bird. He is a rugged individualist with a highly developed regard for the sanctity of private property. Its moral life is beyond reproach. Courting is conducted with dignity and ceremony, and once wed, the seagull is monogamous and devoted to its family. Divorce is unheard of and scandals of the sort which rock the great empires as in the world of men are considered by the gulls to be in unacceptable bad taste. The most ingenious and civilized of seagull folksways are the rules of chivalrous combat. A head held high is the most heinous of offenses, but so long as a gull holds his head in, he is immune from attack. A tucked-in head is a permanently available form of diplomatic immunity, sacred and inviolable. When seagulls do fight they seldom go beyond the ceremonial expressions of hostility. They are likely to puff out their wings until one or the other commits ultimate provocation by leaning over and pulling grass. For the goal, this act is so terrifying that the fight usually ends right there. If you will check on the marvelous seagull, you will find that all I have said here is true. It takes very little imagination to conceive of the benefits which would accrue to humanity if we were able to apply such civilized techniques to our own rivalries. But all this, I suppose, is idle nonsense, suitable enough for the mindless seagull but hardly worthy of the most exalted of gods creatures.

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