The Bath by Captain Harry Graham
Broad is the gate and wide the path
That needs a man to his daily bath
But ‘ere you spend that shining hour
With sponge and spray, sluice and shower
With all that teaches you to dread
The bath as little as your bed
Remember where so ‘ere you be
To shut the door and turn the key
I had a friend, my friend no more
Who failed to bolt the bathroom door
A maiden Aunt of his, one day
Walked in as half submerged he lay
She did not notice nephew John
And turn the boiling water on
He had no time or even scope
To camouflage himself with soap
But gave a yell and flung aside
The sponge ‘neath which he sought to hide
It fell to earth I know not where
He beat his breast in his despair
And then like Venus from the foam
Sprang into view and made for home
His aunt fell fainting to the ground
Alas they never brought her 'round
She died intestate in her prime
The victim of another's crime
And John, poor John can never quite forget
How by a breach of etiquette
He lost, at one fell swoop or plunge
His aunt, his honor and his sponge.
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